Handling failure
What an opener: your children need to see how you handle failure even more than how you handle success.
Thoughts on failure…
Failure is an event, not who we are (from Spiritual Leadership by the Blackabys).
The point isn’t that we fail; it’s what we do afterwards that matters most.
Batman Begins: Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves back up.
Life is as much about learning how to lose as it is about striving to win.
Our human default is to hide our failures. We don’t want to analyze, process, or even acknowledge them because it’s uncomfortable for us in the moment. How many life lessons do we miss because we stuff those skeletons deep into a closet?
It’s a shocking truth: we all fail. (Sorry to burst your bubble!) We all blow it – sometimes big, other times, with the smaller stuff. So why the need to hide?
Guilt is God’s means by which we end up back at His feet, looking for restoration. Having a tender conscience is a beautiful thing, a godly thing. Our enemy has warped this gift, though, and through subtle lies, he takes the conviction of the Holy Spirit and turns it into condemnation, driving us away from God and His forgiveness.
Another default setting when we’re faced with failure is to rationalize, justify, spin, or minimize. We play it like it’s no big deal, and we try to convince ourselves in the process. And unless you do this better than I, it doesn’t work.
We all hate it when we blow it. And yet there’s such freedom in standing tall and announcing it to the world (or at least, to the appropriate parties): I really blew it! Suddenly I don’t feel shame; I don’t have to defend myself or what I did, and now I can think with compassion about the person or people I’ve hurt.
I strive not to take myself too seriously. I must get better at admitting my mistakes. This entry was directed at parents, but there are always people watching us, especially in those critical moments, to see how we will react.
I love Neil’s conclusion: You will never lose esteem…when you do what God requires you to do. You gain esteem because you are an honest person…
Care to weigh in?
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Also, on a side note, if you’re reading this and haven’t yet posted a comment, is it because you’re having trouble getting the comments to work? If so, let me know! We plan on posting a how-to section for blog newbies (I qualify!) soon.
Blessings!
-michelej
Sometimes we learn more from a man’s errors, than from his virtues.
ReplyDeleteHenry Wadsworth Longfellow
"You never lose esteem in your child's eyes when you do what God requires you to do. You gain esteem because you are an honest person, and in the process you are modeling what they need to do when they blow it. Children need models, not critics. Modeling is what establishes our credibility to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4)."
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the greatest challenges of parenting, in my opinion--modeling honesty and modeling forgiveness. I find it a challenge at times to humble myself and ask forgiveness from a 7 year old (especially when I feel he has gone out of his way to annoy/provoke me!!). I also find it a lot easier to be a critic, especially when said child chooses to repeatedly ignore instruction. Lord, help me to be a loving and patient parent. When I mess up, help me to be honest with Brandon and myself, ask forgiveness, and forgive myself for what I have done. I need to stay away from excessively beating myself over the head for the mistakes I have made as well. Lord, help me to continue to remember that forgiveness wipes the mistakes and sins away-- and that there is no condemnation for those like me who are in Christ Jesus!