Some guidelines for me

It seems to me that what Neil is doing today is taking the principle we’ve been working so hard to grasp – that Christ’s work on the cross makes us totally and completely into something that’s new and spotless – and showing us how to apply it to those around us.

We’ve read (and written) at length about the lies of the enemy who speaks condemnation to us in our vulnerable moments.  It may be a surprise that, believing ourselves to be working on God’s behalf, we were that voice to someone else! 

The bottom line is a relief to me:  I’m not responsible for someone else’s sin.  I appreciate the guidelines Neil set out:

     • confront something that I’m a party to, that I’ve seen

     • address the behavior, not someone’s character

     • hold a friend accountable in a way that brings restoration, not condemnation

You may be like me – I hate confrontation.  Having a clear picture of what my responsibility is, though, gives me a little more confidence.  Thank you, Neil.

Big enough and able enough...

There are grace-givers, and there are truth-tellers.  While I do have some grace in me, I lack the skill of keeping my mouth shut, thus I usually end up being a truth-teller. 

I’ve struggled over the years, trying to navigate my way through the quagmire of wanting to love people unconditionally, but wanting, too, to take advantage of opportunities to mentor and coach them.  And occasionally tell them they are bugging me.  (But mostly the mentoring thing.)

Sure, there is a time and a place to confront someone in love, with the goal of restoration, but for the most part, I needed to hear what Neil says on the topic:  Our job is to accept people and let the Holy Spirit bring conviction in His time.

Suddenly, I’m relieved of a burden that was never mine to bear; I’m not responsible for the spiritual maturity of people around me.  Once again, I need to take care of me.  God is big enough and able enough to work on everyone else…

Aaaaaaaand we’re back to the dating metaphor…

Reading today’s story, I’m surprised by my reaction:  anger.  I’m surprised because, as usual, Neil’s logic makes total sense, so why the emotion?

I’m angry because this poor girl was lied to, kept in a cycle of destructive behavior, and led to believe it was all her fault. 

I think the reason it strikes a chord in me is that it follows the cycle of an abusive relationship; it reminds me of a time in my life when I was dating a controlling guy.  I’m not here to bash him – he’s reformed, actually – but I remember thinking I was going crazy, because things that sure seemed like they were his fault got turned around to become my fault.  He wasn’t good for me, but for some reason, I stayed with this guy for about a year too long.

In terms of dating, I’ve counseled my friends:  Respect yourself!  Don’t stay with a guy who treats you badly!  You are not the problem here! 

I could say all of this because I’d lived it.

The strategy of the enemy is to not only keep us under his foot, but then to lead us to believe things are our fault.  It’s up to us to recognize who the enemy is; until we do, we’ll never win the battle.

Lord, show me where this is happening in my life today.

More irony...

I guess I like irony.  Here’s the selection for today:

Sin seems like it will be so fulfilling – it will make me happy! – but it never does.  What holds the promise of freedom (don’t follow those rules – they’re holding you down!) actually enslaves me, or at the very least, forfeits a piece of my freedom. 

Obeying God, to an outsider, seems ridiculous.  Why would someone give up what makes them happy, what they want to do (see paragraph above)?  And yet true joy and fulfillment are found in following God’s ways.  The thing that looks like bondage actually brings freedom, plus tons of other good things.

As I read Neil’s entry today about being free to choose how I will use my car or my life, I got a little stuck on his last sentence:  It is your responsibility not to let sin reign in your mortal body.

While I don’t disagree with him, I don’t find myself motivated by responsibility.  Hey – we’re all different, right?  When I take a moment to think on the joy I get from obeying God and how much better my life is because of Him, doing what’s right is a no-brainer.

The honeymooners

Change takes a while to get used to.  

 I can remember when, on the morning after our wedding, we went to the airport, checked in, got on an airplane and went on a trip by ourselves, no parents involved (our honeymoon, of course).  We didn’t feel as grown up, not to mention as married, as we actually were!  It felt like at any moment, we would be discovered… 

It took us by surprise when we were treated like a grown-up, married couple.  We got used to it, and it’s been many years since, but it’s fun to remember those feelings.

Being married is kind of like being pregnant – you either are, or you are not.  I’m thinking about Neil’s entry today in those terms:  we either still have our sinful nature, or we have been transformed, and we’re something new now. 

What’s the key?  Acting based on what I know, not what I feel.  And that’s the process of maturity, right? 

As a newlywed, I spent lots of time learning…  It’s one thing to date someone, and another to live with them.  For us, it wasn’t hard – it was fun, actually – but we took seriously our commitment and wanted to work hard to build a great marriage.

Today, I needed to be reminded of the level of effort I need to put into knowing my Heavenly Father – and that I need to act on what I know, not what I feel.

Even in the little things

This stood out to me in today’s reading:  Joshua’s success had nothing to do with the circumstances of the battle and everything to do with obedience.

While I realize this wasn’t exactly the point Neil was making there, what I started thinking about was how often it’s easy to obey when things make sense, or in the big things, and how hard it is to obey when circumstances would lead us to believe our obedience is insignificant. 

Here’s a scenario:  instead of fulfilling a commitment we’ve made – attending that care group, making that meeting or practice, doing whatever it is we said we would do – we give ourselves a pass, and then invent or exaggerate the reason for flaking. 

I’ve been on the receiving end of that less-than-honest phone call, but before I could get mad (or stay mad, anyway), God reminded me of how often I fight that temptation.  What He’s requiring of me is honesty, even in the little things, and especially when I think it really doesn’t matter.

I want to be a person of integrity.  I don’t need to lead a nation, like Joshua, but I do want my life to be marked by obedience.  Even in the little things.

Course corrections

It’s a sports metaphor, if you consider golf a sport (apologies to golfers!), and yet, it totally works!  Something that seems like it’s not a big deal right now may, in fact, become a big deal later on in my life. 

It’s interesting to me that what directs my metaphorical golf swing isn’t how much faith I have or any of the things I do.  It’s how accurate my belief in God is, which hinges on how well I know His word.  That’s a relief!  It’s something within my immediate control. 

And as many years as I’ve been learning, there’s always more – it’s a joy to get to know God and His word better and better.  If it keeps me out of the rough, all the better!  Now, if I could just figure out how to get past the windmill…

Don't fear the darkness

The unknown is always scarier, right?  Even if reality is pretty awful, the things we imagine are far worse.  This is why horror movies are still around, right?  What’s that sound?  Don’t open that door!  (In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t actually watch horror movies – they’re yucky.)

Focusing on the evil part of demons freaks me out, honestly.  But if I imagine a military strategy session (again, full disclosure:  I’ve never been in the military), it goes like this – who is the enemy?  What advantages do they have?  What are our resources?  What’s the best way to proceed?

Gaining an understanding of my spiritual enemy takes away my fear.  Spiritual battle is just that:  battle.  As always, I appreciate Neil’s ability to analyze and report the facts, as well as bring us around to what’s important:  If you continue to walk in the light you don’t need to be afraid of the darkness.

Ostriches and zealots

I used to be an ostrich.  Regarding what I believed in the devil and demons, that is.  I was young, and way more concerned with getting to know Jesus, and evil was, you know, evil.  I didn’t want to get close enough to understand it, for fear I would get spiritual cooties.  Ignorance, I thought, would be bliss.

But the day came when I picked up Frank Peretti’s book, This Present Darkness.  It was a suspense/thriller, and wasn’t in any way preachy.  I doubt Mr. Peretti meant it to be a theological treatise, but the story was balanced and scriptural.  And vivid…oh, so vivid.  I seem to remember some wild dreams, and for a time, every odd thing made me wonder at the spiritual forces behind it. 

Obviously, neither of these is a good way to live.  Being an ostrich means living by fear, and being a zealot means giving undue attention and power to spiritual forces other than God Himself. 

I love Neil’s quote from the Screwtape Letters:  There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils.  One is to disbelieve their existence.  The other is to believe and feel an unhealthy interest in them.  They themselves are equally pleased by both errors and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight.

I looked it up, and C.S. Lewis wrote Screwtape Letters in 1942.  Nearly 70 years have gone by, and not much has changed. 

Being willing to investigate and understand what goes on in the heavenly realms is a must for mature Christians – heck, it helps make sense of the world we live in.  Even more a priority is doing so while keeping God at the center of our awe and respect.

I'm not that girl

Today, I’m thinking about science (gasp!).  My son got a volcano science kit for his birthday, and let’s just say that science has been happening in our house.  It’s a Star Wars volcano, no less, so the cool factor is huge.

Turns out they’ve supercharged the recipe from when we were kids; in addition to baking soda and vinegar, the instructions directed you to brew those up with Alka-Seltzer, club soda, dish soap, food coloring, and I’m not sure what all else.  I think the thing may make actual lava; I’m not sure.

Since our cupboards only contained the less-spectacular ingredients – baking soda, vinegar, food coloring and dish soap – the explosions were more like fizzles.  Just the way Mommy and Daddy like them.  But as I said, it got me thinking…

Taking baking soda, this white powdery stuff, and mixing it with vinegar, which basically looks like water, combines and changes them both into something bubbly and runny.  They didn’t just mix together; they changed into something totally different.  (cue Thomas Dolby:  Science!  …ahem)  You could go looking for the baking powder in that new stuff, but you won’t find it.  Ditto for the vinegar.

When God saved me, He didn’t just wash me up and tell me to try to do better in my life; He made something new.  Satan may try to make me think that’s all that happened, that I’m still the same bad person I was before, but that just isn’t so.  Because of this new thing that I am, I don’t have to listen to him anymore; I don’t have to buy his lies.  I’m not that girl anymore. 

Things that shake

Why are earthquakes so disturbing?  Sure, there’s the moment when, especially if you’ve ever been in a really strong one, you ask, Is this going to get bigger, or smaller?  Is it The Big One?  Confusion and adrenaline:  not a good combo.

For me, having experienced two major quakes (Loma Prieta/San Francisco, 1989, and Northridge, 1994, if you’re keeping score), it left a mark on my psyche to see things that seemed permanent suddenly crumpled and broken.  Roads, houses, freeways…  These things ought not be.  I imagine the feeling is the same, whether it’s an earthquake, tornado, hurricane, flood, or other disaster.

Not an exact metaphor, but the picture was strong in my mind of trusting in something I’m absolutely sure is rock solid, only to find out that forces I never imagined could cause its destruction. 

Although I know it doesn’t do much good, I wish the earth wouldn’t shake.  I wish life circumstances wouldn’t shake, either.  But when they do, I’m so grateful for what it says in Psalm 91:

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  This I declare of the Lord:  He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting Him.

He will shield you with His wings.  He will shelter you with His feathers.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day…

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love Me.  I will protect those who trust in My name.  When they call on Me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue them and honor them.”  Psalm 91:1-2, 4-5, 14-15

September 19, 2011

Chosen

When I was in high school, our youth group went through youth pastors at a rate of more than one per year – I forgot the total count.  The result was a group of kids who felt abandoned; we figured we were the reason the leaders kept leaving (turns out, that wasn’t entirely the case, but we didn’t know).  You could say we had a complex about the whole thing…

And then, along came our choir director, Naomi.  Many of us were in her choirs in our elementary years, so we already knew and loved her.  Her own story was pretty amazing – in her lifetime, she had overcome tremendous circumstances and events, and was (and still is) a dynamic, confident, gracious woman, a force to be reckoned with. 

The verse she picked for our choir was 1 Peter 2:9:

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

In the months and years we spent together, she convinced us that we really were worth something; we were special, and God had a plan for each of us.  God used her to plant seeds in our lives that have spread around the world, as each of us has grown up and gone our ways. 

Those years were a turning point for me, and many of my friends as well. 

God’s word changes lives.  Be encouraged, if you’re a parent – those seeds you’re planting will bear fruit.  I needed reminding of this today, and I’m encouraged.

September 18, 2011

Shifting dependence (do you use a clutch for that?)

As parents, we know we are responsible for our kids’ spiritual development.  It really helps me to have the language Neil writes here as a focus:  …understanding his spiritual identity is a process that takes place over the years of childhood; it is the process of shifting his dependence from parents to God.

If I do my job well, my kids won’t need me.  Kind of a sad thought, except for the fact that it will mean they are relying on God to meet their needs, and He’s capable of doing the job just fine. 

So in between the Bible stories and the lessons on character, I need to find a way to talk to them about who they are in Christ.  (I can’t help but think that if I’d had that information, so many struggles in my life would have been avoided!) 

Giving my kids the full picture of God’s love and their inheritance in Christ means I must have a really good handle on it myself.  Yup, more work to do…

September 17, 2011

Confession:  that well-known, less-understood thing we know we should be doing… 

My mom grew up in the Nazarene church, and every Sunday night the faithful spent time at the altar, weeping as they confessed their trespasses.  A little of that is healthy, but my mom said she was never sure she was really saved. Her relationship with God was one of fear and uncertainty. So sad!  (That all changed years later.)

On the other end of the spectrum is the no-big-deal attitude many of us take with sin.  God forgave it all!  Why dwell on it?  Without clear instruction, it’s easy to skip that part.

Well, today, Neil gives us good instruction!  Having spent most of my life in church, this is the best explanation I’ve ever heard:  When you recognize an internal fleshly response, immediately acknowledge it in your mind.  That’s it; just agree with God and walk in the light.

So simple!  And so doable.  Today, I’m going to be looking for those moments, and practice confession.

September 16, 2011

Free gift with purchase

This morning, I was thinking about how the company I buy makeup from always gives you a free gift with purchase.  Sometimes, it’s just a little sample, and other times, it’s a bigger thing.  And with it, they always used to give you a free tube of lipstick. 

Regardless of the fact that I don’t wear lipstick (ever), I would be thrilled at my new tube and put it in a collection with all the others.  Every few years, I would find a good home for them, but I still have about a dozen tubes of lipstick in a drawer.  Nope, still don’t wear lipstick, ever.

Why was I thinking about a free gift with purchase? 

God could have stopped at giving us forgiveness and eternal life when this one is over, but He didn’t.  Jesus came to break the power of sin so we could have relationship with God.  That relationship doesn’t begin when we get to heaven; it started the minute we received the grace of forgiveness.

Unlike the free gift with purchase, the richness of relationship with God is something we use and treasure every day!  It’s so awesome that oftentimes, heaven is an afterthought. 

This is the heart of the God we serve:

And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. 

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is. 

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it.  Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Now glory be to God!  By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.  Ephesians 3:17-20

September 15, 2011

Isn’t it ironic…

We want to be free to do what we want, and as a result, we become slaves to sin.

We submit to God as our master and let Him have ultimate control, we end up in total freedom. 

How’s that for irony?

I appreciate, too, that today Neil touches on what (to me) trumps the question of who is in control.  He points out the joy of the experience of walking with the Father.  We don’t submit to Him because we have to; we do it because we want to. 

And it occurs to me that it’s all about us wanting to…  When He put Adam in the garden, He gave him a choice:  obey, or don’t.  All of His dealings with Israel – His courting her, instructing her, pleading with her to come back – were centered on wanting Israel to willingly serve Him. 

He wants me to want the thing that’s going to be best for me.  Because of the way God created me, I will never be totally happy or fulfilled unless I’m walking close to God.

Thinking about all this makes me amazed, and grateful.  It tells me about the character of the God I serve; it makes me want to walk even closer beside Him.

September 14, 2011 bonus

So here's my bookmark.  It's not crooked; apparently I didn't hold the camera exactly right above it... 

Pretty things inspire me, and I want the words here to take root in my heart.  Just thought I'd share. 

Also, check me out - I uploaded a photo!  :)

September 14, 2011

Not my own

Contemplating my journey through this book, I was asking myself this:  How am I really different?  Where am I making honest changes in my life?  Are they happening, or do I just have good intentions?

And then today, Neil writes this:  We have been purchased by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ…when we pick up the cross we affirm that our identity is not based in our physical existence but in our relationship with God.

My life is not my own.  I think I may need to write that on my arm with a Sharpie to remind me at all times… 

Regarding my questions a couple of paragraphs ago, I’m making a bookmark to put in the Bible I read every day.  It’s pretty, of course, but it’s also something I want to pray every day:

God, today I take up the cross of Your Son.  You bought me with your own blood; my life is yours.  Today, instead of being focused on what I want, I choose to be attentive to what You want.  You made me; You love me.  Today, I’m going to stop trying to become something I’m not, and instead, rest in the finished work of Christ, who made me something very special.  My life only finds meaning in You.

And if you want, I’ll make you one, too. 

September 13, 2011

All we need is a good step-ladder…

My kids love to help out.  Sometimes, they even step in when it comes to telling each other they have a time-out, or other helpful instructions.  My response is always the same:  How about if I be the Mommy for today?  I promise, I’ll do my best – but thank you for trying to help me.

Today’s reading got me thinking about how things would run around here if I let one of my kids be Mommy for the day.  Wow.  It’s really hard to fathom…  Why?  Because they aren’t old enough, mature enough, or have an adult’s perspective, not to mention the height of an adult, which comes in handy for getting down the cereal boxes. 

One key difference here is that if I do my job well, my kids will someday grow into the mature adults we hope for, and will be every big as good a parent as I am, and hopefully better.  I, on the other hand, will never grow up and be God.  That doesn’t stop me from being bossy sometimes, though… 

I’m going to hang on to that picture when I’m struggling with letting God be in charge of me.  He’s patiently telling me:  How about if I be God for today?  I promise – I’ll do My best…

September 12, 2011

On ruling the world

Today’s reading cracked me up.  Neil’s understatement on why man (had he written it recently, I’m sure he would have used gender-inclusive language) wouldn’t be good at being God:  He lacks the necessary attributes to determine his own destiny.

It’s such a contrast when we put it into perspective…  I’m reminded of the words of one of my favorite worship songs:

            We are a moment, You are forever

            Lord of the ages, God before time

            We are a vapor, You are eternal

            Love everlasting reigning on high

            We are the broken, You are the healer

            Jesus Redeemer, mighty to save

            You are the love song we’ll sing forever

            Bowing before you, blessing your name

            Holy, holy, Lord God almighty

            Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

            Highest praises, honor and glory

            Be unto your name, be unto your name

            (Be Unto Your Name – from the CD Revival in Belfast)

In the universe, there’s good – God – and there’s evil – Satan – and we’re caught in between, made of mortal stuff, choosing whom we will serve. 

That’s the big picture.  And it comes to bear in the little, everyday stuff – every willful, selfish choice I make relates to the struggle of good vs. evil.  Maybe I’m not trying to rule the world, just my little corner of it, but what I need to practice is turning over that job to the One whose resume says He can handle it.

September 11, 2011

Truth

It makes sense that the starting point for truth is God’s word; God created everything, He is what’s true, and His word is how He has revealed Himself to us.  The more I read His word, the more I recognize truth – about the world around me, as well as about who He is.

What’s more, the more I identify with the One who is truth, the less wiggle room I have for shades of truth.  The Holy Spirit nudges me when I’m crossing a line.  Maybe it’s an excuse I offer that I didn’t need to or was only partially true; maybe it’s telling the part of the story that paints me in a better light.  Instead of convincing myself it’s no big deal, I want to keep that sensitivity.  In fact, I want to become more so.

It comforts me to know that even in a world where truth is relative, where evil seems to win so often, there is an absolute.  He is unchanging, and He offers hope.  For that, today especially, I am grateful.

September 10, 2011

Don’t look for the easiest method…

Back before we had kids, we had a pretty good idea of what good parenting looked like.  Sure, we did have the unrealistic idea or two, but we also had friends who were great parents.  We learned a lot from watching them.

We observed something we’ve called Get Off The Couch, and here’s how it works.  When the kid is playing and it’s time to change into his jammies, instead of hollering at him from the couch, the parent gets up and stands near him, providing whatever encouragement or guidance is necessary.  If the parent stay on the couch, the kid knows he has 5 or 10 minutes more to play, until the parent gets angry enough to do what they should have done in the first place:  get off the couch.

For the most part, this method works well.  But in matters of discipline, like fashion, one size does not fit all.  Every kid is wired differently, and what’s more, what works for one family won’t necessarily work for another.

Being creative about discipline wears me out many days.  There’s lots we do right, and plenty of mistakes we make as we work with our kids.   It was good for me to be reminded of this today:  Don’t look for the easiest method of discipline; look for the best.  What may be convenient may not be correct.

Wait, didn’t I write about this yesterday?  (School for the Gifted:  push harder!)

Today, I’m going to be asking for strength, wisdom, and fresh creativity in disciplining my kids.  The end goal isn’t that they learn to obey us as parents, but that they learn to follow God and stay close to Him.

September 9, 2011

Maybe if I push harder…

Have you ever been at cross-purposes with someone, or something, without realizing it?  It’s the stuff comedy is made of.  Personally, I’m picturing the earnest school boy pushing hard on the door with a sign that says:  Pull.  The other sign on the door reads:  School for the Gifted…  (The Far Side lives on)

That’s how I picture my progress when my main goal is to keep the status quo in my family, in my life, in my church, etc.  (And the status is not quo!)  My goal is to keep things calm and just they way they are, but maybe God’s goal is to bring about change in me by mixing it all up a little.

When I was pregnant with our twins, I can remember the day I said, All I wanted was a simple pregnancy!  I just wanted things to be normal this time!  As you might suspect, God had other plans.  If you’re unfamiliar with the story, it was a character-building experience for sure, but it all ended well.

On a more personal note, my precious (older) son’s birthday happens to fall on September 11^th, and because of the 10^th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, the events of that day are inescapable in the media.  Thankfully, he doesn’t watch live tv, and so far, he’s unaware of it all.  But the day will come when we tell him the story – maybe in a year or two.

He’s such a sensitive guy, and also very smart – it’s heartbreaking to imagine his response to the fact that his special day is linked with such terrible events.  My husband’s sister was born on Pearl Harbor Day, but so much time had passed that it wasn’t really an issue.  That was my hope for 9/11.  So much for that…

My conversation with God has gone something like this:  So, what’s the deal?  So much in my little boy’s life is so hard – why couldn’t he just have a birthday like all the other kids?  How in the world will I ever tell him, and how can he not take it personally?  (That’s how he rolls.)  I’m thankful for all that is good in his life – he’s healthy, he’s bright and sweet – but for all the struggles, it feels like he got a raw deal.

Can you see how hard I’m pushing against that darn door?  School for the Gifted, indeed. 

So I’m left with this…  God has purposes that are far above mine; His ways are way better than mine, even though I don’t understand them.  He is good, and He always causes good to happen, even through struggle. 

Once again, God, I trust you with my little boy.  That’s my focus for today.

September 8, 2011

Tell us how you really feel

Have you ever read Psalms through, carefully?  For all the warm, sweet passages of praise, there are tons of words of hatred and revenge!  It’s kind of shocking, especially when those two are back-to-back.  I figure maybe it all made more sense when it was put to music…

David gives us such an awesome example of a man who deals honestly (and openly) with his feelings, but arrives at the right conclusions. 

Psalm 13 is one of my favorites:

O Lord, how long will you forget me?  Forever?  How long will you look the other way?  How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?  How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!  Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.  Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”  Don’t let them rejoice in my downfall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me.  I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me.

I want to be as quick to spill everything to God in prayer, and as quick to land on this:  trust and gratefulness.  That’s my focus for today…

September 7, 2011

Speaking the truth in love

It’s funny – this discussion came up last night, before I sat down to read Neil’s stuff:  there’s something that’s bugging me and I’d love to get it off my chest and maybe resolve it, but is it something my friend wants to hear?  Will it help the relationship, or break it, even if just a bit?

The question for me is when I need to put down my selfishness (thinking just of my needs), and when I need to stop being a doormat.  There is an option which includes me holding my tongue for the sake of not injuring someone else, but also removing myself from harm’s way.  But even that is tricky stuff.

The phrase that keeps coming to mind is the instruction to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).  If I can’t be loving, until I figure out a way, I probably need to keep my mouth shut…and pray for wisdom.

September 6, 2011

You say suppression…

There’s another word I’m more familiar with when it comes to stuffing your feelings way down where they won’t bother anyone:  denial. 

In my thinking, there’s a spectrum that starts at “it’s not convenient to deal with that right now” and ends near “the only way I can cope is to ignore that thing for now, or forever…” 

It seems that there was a generation of Christians, hopefully in the past, that held to the motto:  Denial is next to godliness.  I never would have believed it, had I not been told by my boss at a Christian school to keep it together, not show how upset I was over a major thing that happened in my life – after all, that’s how she raised her kids with her husband off to war.  I think she was trying to help, but it was just so misguided…

Even so, I think a little bit of denial can be good.  Well, maybe more the discipline of setting aside big emotions until you’re at a time and a place they can be dealt with appropriately.  The temptation, though, is to leave the locked in the closet I stuffed them in and never open the door.

In order to be an emotionally healthy person, I’m responsible for dealing with my emotions, even the big, awful ones.  When I find myself saying, Oh, that didn’t bother me, when apparently it did, my efforts would be better spent dealing with whatever it was – even if it means conflict – than convincing myself that things are okay.  Today, I’m going to be asking God to show me what things I’ve stuffed, and what to do about them.

September 5, 2011

The warning light

Did you ever watch the tv show Home Improvement?  You know, waaay back in the ‘90’s…  One of our favorite episodes was one where Tim’s wife killed the car.  The “check engine” light went on, but she didn’t think it was important.  The result was a giant, two ton paperweight in the driveway…  Oops.

Tim said, “So, the light went on, but you didn’t tell me?”  She replies, “Well, I figured if it was important, it would get brighter, or buzz, or something!”  He says, “It’s a car, not a game show!”  (cue laughter from the studio audience)

Apparently, we humans have warning lights, too.  They’re called emotions.  In case you ever wondered what they were for, now you know. 

Not sure what to do with those emotions?  Neil cracked me up:  …you can respond to the light as the manufacturers intended for you to respond by looking under the hood and fixing the problem.

Did I mention, he’s an engineer?  Messy emotions?  Just get out the manual, read up, and fix it!  Okay, probably that’s a good approach, but he just made it sound so simple.  And we aren’t really wired that way.

Nonetheless, when my emotional response to something is off the charts in comparison to what it should be, it gives me reason to stop and see what’s going on below the surface.  Oh, yeah – that’s a sore spot, because my dad used to say that to me!  You get the idea.

I’m looking forward to reading what Neil has in store for us in the next couple of days.  Now, let me get out my tool box…

September 4, 2011

The flying leap

Taking a risk used to be easy for me.  I’m kind of a natural-born risk taker, but I don’t say that as if it’s something to aspire to.  I’ve made plenty of dumb mistakes in the name of taking a risk; learning to temper risk with wisdom has been a lifelong pursuit.

I find that these days, I’m less excited about taking risks…  I still love adventure, excitement, change, and all that, but I find that the potential costs are getting bigger and bigger.  Case in point:  pulling a muscle in my back while playing on the slip-n-slide with my daughter.  Small risk, right?  These are fun!  Famous last words…  And lest you think, Hey – you’re getting old! – I remember getting pretty bruised up on those things back when I was a kid, too.  I remembered that after my recent experience.

My husband’s aunt came to visit not too long ago, and after watching our kids for a bit, she told me how similar my husband was when he was a kid.  She said, He would stand on the kitchen counter and just leap off into the air, just sure someone would catch him.  You might be glad to know that neither my husband nor my kids currently do this, but it did go a long ways to explaining some things…

Part of the child-like faith I want to keep (or return to) is the willingness to trust at that level.  Sure, flying off of kitchen counters is ill-advised, but there will be things God will ask me to do that will probably seem just as crazy.  I want to be ready.

September 3, 2011

Say it ain’t so…

If you can get past the first sentence, today’s entry is a good read.  Not to be hard on Neil, but my thought was this:  pregnant and unmarried are not what you would have wanted, but your child is alive and healthy – there are far worse things that can happen!  Or maybe I just read too much news, watch too many crime shows.

Now that that’s out of the way…  It was interesting to be in on the thought process behind this man’s struggle.  He was honest about the options he was considering, and I have to give him credit for that. 

The terrifying truth about parenting, one that I’ve known in theory for years and am just now beginning to experience firsthand, is that at the end of the day, kids make their own choices.  Good parents can end up with rebellious kids, and slacker parents can end up with shining examples of godly young men and women.  Excuse me for a few minutes…  I think I need to go read Ecclesiastes…

Back again.  The part in today’s reading that struck me was this:  It’s not a lack of problems that determines the quality of our ministry [or the quality of our spirituality], but how we handle the problems we have.

Even wanting a life without the big stuff going wrong is, well, wrong…  I need to repent of wishing for an easy life.  Character is born in the struggle.  God uses my troubles to help me relate to people going through the same thing.  I have to focus not on what I wish for, but on handling my problems with God’s grace and wisdom.

September 2, 2011

Discernment

Some days, Neil’s stories blow me away.  And every time I’m tempted to say, Those idiots!, I’m reminded that there, but for the grace of God, go I…

As Neil illustrated, the consequences of not checking out that uh-oh feeling can be huge.  I’m so sad for that couple!  They lost their ministry. Hopefully, they were able to fix their marriage.

One issue I grapple with is what to do with that feeling that something is wrong.  How can I find out?  As a ministry leader in my church, if I go around asking about someone or something with potential negative connotations, I might be inadvertently spreading bad stuff around!  That’s not cool.  But if I don’t check things out, it’s worse, right?

Rather than asking around, I go to a couple of people who are mature, sensitive folks, and discretely voice my concern.  If nothing else, I ask them to pray with me for wisdom.  Then it’s a matter of waiting for a clear answer.

I’m so grateful for what the book of James has to say:

If you need wisdom – if you want to know what God wants you to do – ask Him, and He will gladly tell you.  He will not resent your asking.  James 1:5

September 1, 2011

Amazing love

Is there anything my kids could do to make me stop loving them?  No way.  They may break my heart in big ways or small, but I nothing can erase that love.

Romans 8:38-39 is one of my favorite passages.  It assures me that God’s love is so perfect that I can’t mess it up.  In life, it feels like absolutes are few and far between; God’s love for me is an absolute. 

Love like that can either be taken for granted, or stay in the center of my life as my passion for living.  I find that when I begin to take it for granted, I’m less likely to do what Neil says is critical for harmony – I struggle more with obedience. 

It’s when I stop to glimpse the enormity of who God is and all He has done for me that I find it easy to love from a grateful heart, and easy to obey Him.  Today, that’s my heart’s desire.