Maybe if I push harder…
Have you ever been at cross-purposes with someone, or something, without realizing it? It’s the stuff comedy is made of. Personally, I’m picturing the earnest school boy pushing hard on the door with a sign that says: Pull. The other sign on the door reads: School for the Gifted… (The Far Side lives on)
That’s how I picture my progress when my main goal is to keep the status quo in my family, in my life, in my church, etc. (And the status is not quo!) My goal is to keep things calm and just they way they are, but maybe God’s goal is to bring about change in me by mixing it all up a little.
When I was pregnant with our twins, I can remember the day I said, All I wanted was a simple pregnancy! I just wanted things to be normal this time! As you might suspect, God had other plans. If you’re unfamiliar with the story, it was a character-building experience for sure, but it all ended well.
On a more personal note, my precious (older) son’s birthday happens to fall on September 11th, and because of the 10th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, the events of that day are inescapable in the media. Thankfully, he doesn’t watch live tv, and so far, he’s unaware of it all. But the day will come when we tell him the story – maybe in a year or two.
He’s such a sensitive guy, and also very smart – it’s heartbreaking to imagine his response to the fact that his special day is linked with such terrible events. My husband’s sister was born on Pearl Harbor Day, but so much time had passed that it wasn’t really an issue. That was my hope for 9/11. So much for that…
My conversation with God has gone something like this: So, what’s the deal? So much in my little boy’s life is so hard – why couldn’t he just have a birthday like all the other kids? How in the world will I ever tell him, and how can he not take it personally? (That’s how he rolls.) I’m thankful for all that is good in his life – he’s healthy, he’s bright and sweet – but for all the struggles, it feels like he got a raw deal.
Can you see how hard I’m pushing against that darn door? School for the Gifted, indeed.
So I’m left with this… God has purposes that are far above mine; His ways are way better than mine, even though I don’t understand them. He is good, and He always causes good to happen, even through struggle.
Once again, God, I trust you with my little boy. That’s my focus for today.
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