My husband and I have learned over the years to recognize
when a conversation is emotionally charged – beyond what seems obvious – and
how to gently ask that question without squirting lighter fluid on the glowing
embers. It helps that we’ve both
agreed to this arrangement, and we’ve decided not to get even more defensive at
those comments.
We’ve seen emotions escalate in different ways. Sometimes, we’re mad at one person, but
take it out on someone else. I especially
have to watch my words to my kids very carefully when I’m grappling with an
emotional situation.
Other times, something has tripped a switch inside, and the
reaction is much bigger than should be warranted. Those are harder to sort out, but oh-so-helpful when we
do. For example, I’m way angrier
than I should be at a small comment because of the giant history I have with
someone else who manipulated me in that very fashion. But that’s a bigger bill than the current offender should
have to pay. I think the current
term for that stuff is baggage.
In any case, the trick for us is to make the person who’s in
a bad way emotionally to feel loved and supported, instead of attacked. Maybe we’ll get it down in another 19
years of marriage…
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