Ugh, discipline
So, the patterns of discipline and honesty I’m working with my kids on now while they’re little will extend into their teenage years? Boy, what an incentive to get it right!
There are plenty of moments when I just react; I don’t ask them why they did something, I just jump to a conclusion and put them in time-out. All I’m doing is enforcing; I’m not discipling my kids.
The moments I’m at my best is when I slow down and treat them the way I like to be treated – I am direct but kind, I stop to hear the explanation, I look for their heart in what happened. Sure, there are still time-outs. But hopefully they are motivating in the right way, instead of discouraging.
I was the kid who, when I was little, was strong-willed, and willing to take any punishment if it meant I could be a little reckless. As I got older and more socially aware, I hated being in trouble (especially at school). I’m starting to see this sensitivity in my older son; as his needs change, my ways of dealing with him have to change.
I’m so thankful for my Heavenly Father who knows which means of discipline will develop me instead of crush me; I’m thankful for His Spirit that draws me into discipleship.
After a 4-month hiatus....I have returned!!
ReplyDelete"All discipline must be based on prior instruction. Make a clear statement of your expectations for a given situation and the consequences for disobedience. Ask your child to repeat what you say to make sure he understands. Then invite his questions and comments."
I do this a lot better with 11th and 12th graders than I do with Brandon, my 7 year old. It seems so often that within 5 minutes after reviewing expectations and consequences, his brain falls out of his head and he forgets our conversation! I need God's help to discern the difference between willfull defiance and just "being 7"! I also need God's help with PATIENCE!! God help me be patient and loving with my son, especially when I am enforcing discipline!
"Honest and open dialogue after disobedience is a powerful means of discipline. Many children would rather face a paddle than verbal confrontation. Even parental silence communicates volumes." Brandon likes to argue--it seems he relishes whining, complaining and arguing! I need to continue to moderate my tone and GLARE at him better. I don't use silence well enough-- I need to continue to use time-outs when he argues and not allow his frustrations/arguing to stoke me into an irritated stupor! God help me to recognize the signs of an argument, moderate my voice better and be wise more! Help to love, care, and discipline my boy well!