When I was a kid, my parents bought a book by James Dobson, The Strong-Willed Child. I’m reasonably confident that they didn’t have my brother in mind for the purchase, either…
There’s another author, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, who’s written several books that deal with learning styles, personality types, etc., as they relate to teaching and parenting. Given my history, naturally, I paid close attention to the parts that dealt with strong-willed kids.
Cynthia’s take is this (as a strong-willed person herself): never say to a strong willed child, Do this Or Else. They will Or Else every time.
Clean your room, or you’ll be grounded for two weeks. The child thinks, two weeks’ grounding? I’m okay with that. I’ll accept those terms. Without realizing it, the parent has been sucked in to negotiating with a terrorist (a big NATO no-no).
In case you’re wondering, the way to motivate said child is to get on their side and motivate them in some positive way. I wonder if we can get this mess cleaned up in enough time for a movie this afternoon? It starts at 2:30… You get the idea. Just don’t lay down ultimatums.
Back to the point of today’s entry… I must become the strong-willed child when dealing with my fears (and truthfully, I actually think in these terms). What’s the worst that can happen? We lose our house? I have to take a job I’ll hate? Or, the ultimate – I could die? When I’m actually okay with any of those scenarios (because God has given me peace about it), suddenly, the only thing I’m left fearing is that loss of control that I so totally hate. And I’m working on that one…
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