July 31, 2011

I know who wrote the sign

The theme just now seems to be faith…  Yesterday, I wrote about struggling sometimes to wrap my head around the fact that our God, who is good, allows bad things to happen for a greater good. 

As I went through my day today, God brought back to me some scenes…  For one, holding our terror-stricken son down in a doctor’s office as he’s getting a shot so the asthma will calm down…  There were others like that one, too.  I was grateful my husband took him to the re-setting of the broken arm appointment for me – yuck!

Being the parent, I knew that there was no way my son would get well without the medicine he was fighting.  He was angry, confused, and afraid.  The look on his face was of total betrayal because we were letting someone hurt him.  In those moments when the emotions are on overload, there’s no logic or reason.  You just have to ride it out and try to explain later. 

I can’t see what God sees.  I don’t know the bigger evil that will happen if He leaves me the way I am.  In the dark times, I’ve felt angry, confused, afraid, betrayed and overwhelmed.  And I usually don’t get the answers as to why things happened. 

But I love the way Neil puts it:  I know who wrote the sign.  God will always stay true to His character.  And it’s comforting to hear today that this kind of faith pleases Him…

July 30, 2011

I can’t do that…

I’ve heard myself say, on occasion, I can’t do that.  No way – I could never do that…  The “that” in question was whatever impossible circumstance God had in front of me.  I’ve said it often enough to recognize that I need to just keep my mouth shut; I know God doesn’t punish me for saying it, but I don’t want to tempt Him to prove me wrong!

The issue, of course, isn’t whether or not I can – I’ve learned that I won’t actually die from emotional distress – but whether or not I will, and if I will continue to trust in the midst of that dark time.  If things don’t go my way, will I distance myself from God, or will I let loose of all my supports and fully lean on Him?

There have been times I’ve heard friends say it, too – I just can’t do that.  And while I’m not here to write about my friends’ struggles, it has helped me understand my own…  It’s helped me see that even when I see something as impossible, God makes it all work in a way I never envisioned.  It’s helped me see that good can come (even if it’s just my own humbling!) through those times. 

The key is the willingness to do it God’s way, even though it seems crazy…  We all have our Abraham and Sarah plans, right?  Ok, God, You didn’t come through, so I’m going to do this my way…  The consequences for Abraham were devastating and long-lasting. 

I’m so grateful for a God who brings good out of bad things.  I’m still struggling with the mystery of a God who lets bad things happen so He can work good things in me, but I’ve come to the place where I know He is good, and I trust Him, even when I don’t understand Him. 

July 29, 2011

Never doubt in the darkness…

What Neil calls “extremely dark periods” other writers have called “the wall”, a “dark night of the soul”, and many other terms for the same thing:  the comforting presence of God can’t be felt anymore amid painful events in one’s life.

I’d be curious to see, in the heavenly realms, what is going on just then…  Has God stepped back?  Is He just as close, but has numbed us for a while from feeling His presence?  Are we more vulnerable to spiritual attack, or does He issue an order for special protection during that time?  And of course, the unanswerable – why would He do this?

Neil’s answer is one of the best I’ve heard, and yet it still leaves me questioning:  He has only suspended His conscious presence so that your faith will not rest on feelings or be established by unique experiences or blessings. 

God’s more interested in my maturity than my comfort…  In the end, I know who God is, and I trust Him.  Those dark times in my life made me question (see the entry from July 9^th, if you missed it), but I appreciate what Neil has to say:  keep walking.

The test for me isn’t whether I can figure out why God is doing something, it’s how I’m going to respond.  I may be tempted to call into question everything God has said or promised, but Neil says don’t:  Never doubt in the darkness what God has clearly shown you in the light. 

I’ll save that truth for a rainy day.

July 28, 2011

Satisfaction and peanut butter sandwiches

First thought:  when I indulge my flesh, I’m never satisfied; when I live by the Spirit, I am.  Peace, significance, and joy are found when I walk according to the Spirit.  Cool.

Second thought:  peanut butter sandwiches, which may or may not have to do with satisfaction, depending on your opinion…

Let’s say I have some peanut butter in the bottom of the jar, and I’m making sandwiches.  Sure, I can make more sandwiches and feed more people if I spread it really thin.  But do I really want to eat one of those skimpy sandwiches?  No, thanks.  I’ll take a half sandwich that’s yummy over a whole one that’s mostly bread – as far as sandwiches go, it’s just disappointing! 

So the takeaway for me (and I need to hear this) is that when I spread myself thin, it’s not working out nearly as well as it did in my head, either for me, or for those around me.  I’m better off sticking to my half of the sandwich, so to speak. 

It’s a lifelong struggle for me to learn when to take on a project and when to say no.  Sometimes, I invent things to do, just because it would be fun!  And while that’s not always bad, sadly, I don’t get any more hours in the day than you do. 

The choices I have to make as to what I do with my time (or friendship, etc.) has a lot to do with the taste I leave in people’s mouths – family, friends, church family…  Today, I’ll be listening to the Holy Spirit for direction on what to do, and when.

July 27, 2011

All right, hand it over…

In the end, it all comes down to who is going to meet my needs.  (or, Whom?)  Living in fear of people, or even just to please people, misses the fact that I can depend on God for everything I need.  Approval?  Love?  Appreciation?  Friendship?  Employment?  Provision for my family?  It’s all Him.

When I get to the place of making the decision to let God provide, though, it can feel like standing over the edge of the Grand Canyon, needing to let go…  Why is that?  Because I like being in control.  And…thus the problem.

I get so focused on how I would go about meeting that need that I lose sight of the fact that God can do anything!  I’ve heard it said that even if I’m on an airplane and it crashes, if God wants me to live, I will survive the plane crash…  He gets the final say, regardless of circumstances. 

In fact, sometimes He makes a point of waiting until the circumstances are waaaaay past impossible…  Remember the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal?  Pour more buckets of water on that altar!

If God is truly my provider, and I lose my job, He will bring along another job or way of providing for my family financially.  If God is my source of identity, my feelings don’t get hurt as quickly – He provides me with love and affirmation Himself, and puts plenty of people in my life to fill those needs. 

Today, I’m looking for ways in which I’m used to meeting my own needs – ways in which the Holy Spirit is showing me that I need to hand over control…

July 26, 2011

Trusting God with my kids

Over the years, I’ve known numbers of good parents who did their best with their kids, only to see them go wild as soon as they left home.  Now that I think about it, that’s exactly what happened to the prodigal son’s father. 

At any rate, we’ve asked ourselves, What went wrong?  What could the parents have done better? …only to come to this terrifying conclusion:  at the end of the day, the kids get to make their own decisions.  You build character and hope that will guide them, but in the end, it’s one more thing you can’t control.  Dang!

My kids are little, and I’m getting introduced to this idea of what it’s like…  My kids go to school, and now there are other adults taking primary roles in their lives.  Stories and phrases and mannerisms come home that I don’t recognize until I’ve spend time with the teacher…  Bingo!  That’s where he gets that expression!  They are being influenced by other people (who aren’t me).

My older son is now reading well enough that I can’t read everything he reads.  We’ve had some pretty interesting conversations about topics I never would have guessed (no, there may have been people who worshiped Hercules, but he wasn’t a real god, and we don’t need to worship him).  I liked it when I knew every show they watched, every book they read…maybe a little too much.

We had some scary experiences with our first son, and I can remember the times it all came down to this:  God, I trust You with my baby.  That dependence doesn’t change as they get older – I still need to trust.

For me, this was the most encouraging part:  God is in control.  You can’t go everywhere your child goes, but God can.  He is the child’s heavenly Father, and He is fully capable of protecting him.

July 25, 2011

Quiet

A couple of years ago, our church did a series called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.  One of the components of the daily devotional is a 2-minute period in which you’re totally quiet before the Lord.  Or, at least, attempt to be quiet – no distracting thoughts, not praying even – just quiet.  My approach was to begin with what I could do and work up to 2 minutes; I’m not sure I ever hit the mark.  (Two minutes is an awfully lot longer than you might think…)

I did appreciate the concept, though, that what I have to say to God is so much less important than just being in His presence.  Of course, if He has something to say to me, that’s awesome!  The goal, though, is just be quiet before Him – Be still and know that He is God…

When we learn to do that, we end up with what Neil writes:  …when we leave our quiet time, the sense of God’s presence should remain with us throughout the day.

I haven’t maintained a systematic approach to sitting quietly before God, but I have made it a point to enter prayer time with silence, or during my day, to simply acknowledge His presence and enjoy it.  I’ll need to think through if and/or how to do it on a more regular basis, but it’s awesome to be reminded of how refreshing that silence can be.  That’s what I’m going to focus on today…

July 24, 2011

Stuff we all need

I’ve wondered from time to time, especially since becoming a parent, how it is that even with the best of upbringings, people still struggle with the items on Neil’s list today:  a sense of belonging, a sense of worth, and a need for control.  Of course, it comes from a place of wanting my kids to be whole and prepared to handle life.  It also comes from reflecting on my own inadequacies, and wondering where it was exactly I went wrong.  Or my parents – I get to blame them, right?  Oh, right.  No.

It would seem that we all are lacking in these ways because of the nature of the relationship Adam and Eve had with God that was lost – that sense of loss has reverberated across all time, and hits us smack-upside-the-head even now. 

It would also seem that as a parent, the best I can do is to give my kids all the love and nurturing I can, and then teach them about these deficiencies.  Maybe junior high wouldn’t be such a tough time with the information that everyone is trying to fit in, and that nobody likes to feel helpless.  Sure, it’s basic parenting, but I’m taking notes so I don’t forget in a few years.

I’ll let you know how it goes…

July 23, 2011

Oh, the irony…

Today, it struck me as ironic that what makes us special is what Neil calls a self-operated, independent will, and our basic struggle is to become less self-invested, more dependent on God.  No wonder it’s so hard!

In the last paragraph, if I’m reading this right (and I’d like to think that I am), the struggle with our will has to do with how we’re going to get our needs met.  When we choose to get them met God’s way, we grow and become more mature.  As we get more mature, it gets easier to choose to get our needs met God’s way.  It’s the debt snowball of overcoming sin!  (Shout-out to all the FPUers out there…)

It’s more than just the willpower involved in, say, breaking a bad habit.  When I was a kid, I bit my fingernails.  Trying to stop was a process, and I discovered that the longer I kept from doing it, the easier it was…

But as we purpose to overcome temptation in our lives, the Holy Spirit gives us a boost that carries us farther than our willpower ever would.  Thank God for that!  We just have to get going in the right direction, and He comes along and gives us extra momentum.

What I’m reading in these devotionals is that I’m not alone in my self-centeredness.  (That’s another lie!)  My basic tendency to want my own way is the tendency of humanity.  My independence was a gift so I could fully choose to be dependent on God.  Today, I’m going to focus on all the little choices I make, and how I get my needs met.

July 22, 2011

So fickle

So two days ago, we read about the principle that your emotions follow your thoughts:  new information can result in an emotional response, and having God’s word front and center in your thought life will provide ballast in those rocky moments.

Today, we have the idea that emotions also follow actions…  I get the idea that emotions are like that kid in high school who was a pushover, just doing whatever his friends did, because he had no backbone.  That was the kid who got into trouble if he didn’t have friends who had much integrity! 

When emotions hang out with actions that are based on what’s easy, convenient, or self-serving, they get stuck in a selfish rut.  When they hang out with actions based on what is right (even though they don’t want to go along at first), they eventually rise to the occasion.

Okay, maybe not the best metaphor ever written, but it’s working in my head right now…  The point is simply that emotions are fickle. 

The axiom is to Follow Your Heart, which translates roughly:  Do what you feel.  On the other hand, God’s word says that the evidence that we belong to Him lies in what we do.  The book of James says that faith (believing) without works (doing what is right) is dead (James 2:26).

Becoming more mature in Christ means I say no to myself more and more…  As John the Baptist said, He must increase, and I must decrease.  That will keep me busy today…

July 21, 2011

The relationship

Reading today’s entry, I was struck by the relational aspect of Adam and Eve’s sin. 

Often, reading the account in Genesis, I focus on the Thanks-you-ruined-it-for-all-humanity aspect.  It’s easy to get lost in the bigger implications of one bad choice.  Getting kicked out of the garden seemed like the loss of a comfortable life; fellowship with God was a perk.

But Neil comes at it from a different angle:  relationship with God was what the garden was all about.  It was the place where Adam and Eve hung out with God…  Their betrayal resulted in such loss.  Not only did they have to move out, now they faced life and hardships alone.  I can’t imagine the pain of that fact. 

Earth was made as a place for God to be with humans, in person, face-to-face.  Sin happened, and God has left the planet (picture Him turning the lights out as He left).

What a contrast, then, when Jesus comes on the scene!  All the years of promise that He would return were fulfilled, and the heavens rejoiced.  Literally.  I’ve often thought of the disciples following Jesus around, hanging out with Him – wow!  The awesome thing is that we get that same kind of closeness because of the Holy Spirit.  He draws us into intimate relationship with the Father.

For me, today, I’m determined to savor the sweet relationship…  Sit quietly in God’s presence, listen to His voice…and realize that He wants what He had with Adam and Eve way back in the garden – closeness with me.  Wow.

July 20, 2011

Don’t answer the phone

What we feel is based on what we think…  If you’re not convinced, just for a quick second, imagine the emotions you would experience if you got a phone call saying a loved one (choose one) was killed in an accident.  (I’m sorry to do that to you!) 

Now imagine the relief when the next phone call comes, saying that there had been a mistake – your loved one was alive and well after all.  If you like that kind of drama, watch the movie Fried Green Tomatoes…  It happens twice! 

Did they die and then come back to life?  In reality, no, but in your mind, yes.  Emotions are tricky. 

Dealing with my kids, there are moments of total panic or anger, in which emotions are so strong that all other systems shut down.  The only way through those moments is to validate the emotions, give comfort, and then present new information.  The force of what they are feeling takes on a life of its own.

Emotions are powerful things.  But they start from whatever facts or information we have at the time.  Having a foundation of understanding of God’s word keeps us from going off the deep end; we know the truth about who God is, and who we are, and even when circumstances of life get crazy, there’s peace in the middle of the storm.

Neil has this to say:  Life’s events don’t determine who you are; God determines who you are, and your interpretation of life’s events determines how well you will handle the pressures of life.

Many of my heroes are people who have taken really bad circumstances and walked through them with grace; they come out on the other side having stronger, better.  I want to be one of those people.  Can you think of someone like that in your life?

July 19, 2011

Faith and confession

Today, I’m going to stop and listen to myself.  What are the confessions of my mouth?  Are they statements of faith?  Or are they expressions of doubt?  Or, just as significant, is there silence where there should be faith?

When Peter made his bold pronouncement:  You are the Christ!  Son of the Living God!  Jesus told him, Good for you, Peter – the Holy Spirit gave you that answer!  When the Holy Spirit prompts me, I’d better open my mouth, and expect something amazing.

I love the way Neil breaks down the relationship between faith and confession:  Confessing what we believe gives proof to our faith…confession doesn’t create faith; faith makes possible true confession.  To me, it’s similar to the connection between faith and good deeds – one shows you have the other; without confession, where’s the faith? 

Here’s the verse I was pondering:

For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.  A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart.  Matthew 12:34-35

The New King James says it this way:  …out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  I can’t work on what I say without first working on what’s in my heart; I do this by reading, reading, reading God’s word.

If you’re keeping track, yesterday I wrote that I would report on my leap of faith.  It didn’t come in any dramatic fashion.  It consisted of wrestling with leaving my son at a play room in a store we went to; I knew it was time to leave God in charge of him and step away, but all the past experiences came crashing back in. 

In the end, I did it – and he was fine.  It was a funny test of obedience – most moms would jump at the chance to shop alone! – but that was the deal.  (If you’re a new reader, I have a special needs son, who is also the light of my life.)  It was a tough one, but God met me there.

July 18, 2011

Faith as action

Do you remember the scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where, in order to save his father, Indy must cross an impossibly deep cavern?  In his book, there’s an illustration of a man walking across it with nothing underneath; Indy must decide what to do. 

Here’s the thing about faith…  It moves me out of what I’m comfortable with.  It makes me take a risk; it puts my fate into the hands of others (or, Other).  The whole issue is who is going to be in control of my life – faith says, I trust You enough, God, to do something crazy. 

It’s really nice to sit here and write about faith, but here’s what I feel the Lord saying to me today:  Where are you going to take a risk today?  James writes that faith without action is dead; what is the action that will breathe life into my faith today?  I’ll let you know tomorrow (she said, in faith…).

And in case you didn’t see the movie ( - really?), here’s what happened to Indy…  He mustered his courage, took a step into what he was sure would be a long, nasty fall, and found a rock bridge holding him up.  He was unable to see it until he stepped out into nothing.  What a great picture for me to keep in my head today…

July 17, 2011

A shift in my mindset

Yesterday, I looked at a long list of verses to look up, and I was a little intimidated.  That feeling melted away as the words washed over me…

Feeling like I’ve exhausted God’s grace lately, this was especially encouraging to me:

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:  The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!  By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.  Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day.  Lamentations 3:21-23

I was surprised at how familiar many of these passages were, yet how few of them I had already underlined in my Bible.  I’m grateful for the opportunity to do just that.

Today’s entry begins with a challenge – that of shifting our mindset from, I wish I could grow in Christ, but I never seem to overcome this one big thing!  …to, I absolutely can do this!  Because I know the truth, I’m taking responsibility for myself, and I want to grow! 

I’ll leave you with a verse from Romans (number 19 on today’s list) that comes after a long list of troubles and trials:

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  Romans 8:37

July 16, 2011

Transformation

This morning, I won’t get defensive about the wording of Neil’s list.  I won’t take it personally, as if these are things I should already know and not struggle with.

Instead of each one starting out with, “Why should I…?”, a better way for me to read them is, “I don’t need to…”  If it’s more motivating for me, I can certainly do that…

What I will do is to re-read the list, look up the verses for today, and highlight, bookmark, or print them out. 

We keep hearing over and over that getting the truth of God’s word into our lives is the way transformation happens; it’s the bottom line for understanding who I really am as God’s child.  Today, I’m going to invest the time and dig in…

July 15, 2011

Control issues

Today’s entry got me thinking about how tough it is to talk about Christ to people sometimes. 

In one category are people who believe that they are basically good, they like their lives the way they are, and don’t feel the need to add God (read:  religion) into the mix.  It’s as if God is an item at a salad bar – I could, but no thanks, I’ll pass today.  I’m good. 

To my thinking, the bottom line for them is that they aren’t willing to turn over control…  Maybe they think they’re doing a good job, and they don’t need God’s help – I guess that would be pride.

In another category are people who are so open to spiritual things that they have a collection of them.  Adding Christ is no problem!  They don’t see the contradiction.  Your belief in God is exclusive, but they don’t seem compelled to take that on…

Strangely, I think the bottom line is the same here – many overly spiritual people aren’t willing to let God take over.  Spirituality is a smokescreen for them:  I’m doing all this spiritual stuff!  Of course I’m okay!  How could I not be?

Lest you think I’m being harsh, I’m writing this with the thought in my mind that pride and, well, passive-aggressive pride are the same things I struggle with.  I can relate.  I don’t like to look like I don’t have it all together…  I have trouble giving total control over to God…

Realizing that gives me compassion for my friends and family.  I can’t be on a high horse if I’m guilty of the same things…  Because of Christ, I have the ability to overcome pride and issues of control, but I can still relate.  May that move me forward in sharing Christ with my loved ones…

July 14, 2011

Friends

Just a couple of days ago, I was remembering a year in high school in which I had some friends who were, to be blunt, trouble. 

I think my parents were concerned, but their way was to let me make my choices, and withhold criticism.  Probably I could have used some guidance, and probably I would have resented it. 

I was naïve and blind to the fact that my friends were not good influences; God was gracious and kept me from getting into real trouble.  I’m not sure what changed – circumstances, my perspective – but the next year God sent me a best friend who was a good influence in my life. 

My kids are young, and even now, I am concerned about who influences them…  What is it like to have middle-schoolers?  Teenagers? 

And I still have issues with knowing who to give my heart to (in a friendship way); how will I guide my kids?  That it’s been on my mind must mean that God is working on me in that area.  I am choosing today to trust that He will give me the guidance I need, when I need it – both for me, and for my kids.

July 13, 2011

So we’re outnumbered… 

15 years ago or so, my husband’s mom and stepdad spent a year and a half in central Mexico, in a beautiful resort town on a lake in the mountains.  We spent a week with them there, hearing about their work with the missionaries and churches in the area.

If I remember right, they talked about how Christianity spread quickly, not because people left their old beliefs, but because they integrated the new ideas into their old ones.  They held conflicting beliefs without much trouble.  Interesting! 

Mixed with belief in the Bible were what we would call superstitions, but were actually practices honoring pagan gods.  So much for a successful meeting of mindsets!

As a Westerner (I feel like I should have boots and a hat on or something), I recognize that reason and science pretty much trump emotion and experience.  We can surely be more open to the idea of the spiritual realm and its impact on our lives every day. 

What is God saying to me in all of this?  Are there things I’m missing because I see the natural world as a process of cause and effect, and miss the spiritual dynamic at play?  These are the questions I’ll be asking today.

July 12, 2011

Of angels and spiders

Funny thing – last night, just after I read today’s entry (topic:  fear), I encountered an eight-legged intruder in my kitchen.  A big one.  My husband wasn’t home, and he’s the designated spider squasher in my house.  My husband’s away on a business trip, so I was confronted with two of my biggest fears.

The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a lion.  Proverbs 28:1

I love the book of Proverbs, and the one Neil uses here is familiar to me, but I never held it up against all the commands to Fear Not.  When I teach Sunday school, I joke with the kids that whatever they look like, angels must be pretty intimidating, because the first thing they usually say is, Fear Not! 

When Joshua takes over for Moses, God tells him several times, in several ways, not to be afraid.  These are inspiring verses; we can hear God speaking to us in the midst of our own struggles.

When you’re a kid, there’s a fearlessness that comes naturally; sometimes, though, new information creates anxiety – I didn’t even know I needed to worry about that!  Wow!  Sometimes my son picks strange things to get stressed out about, like earning money so we can pay for something.  It’s a challenge to find language to convince him that we are the parents, we have it all under control, and he can be secure in that knowledge.

I’m picturing God my Father, seeing what I’m freaking out over, thinking the same thing – If you only knew!  I’m big!  I’ve got that locked down!  You’re taking on responsibility that’s Mine to handle! 

The issue is whether I am willing to trust Him.  Especially when it concerns my kids, I am a work in progress.  Good to have this perspective today…

And in case you’re wondering who won (me vs. the spider), he happened to come crawling out of the drain in my kitchen sink.  Instead of screaming like a girl and waking up my kids, I ran the water and washed him down into the brand-new disposal that my husband installed (for this very purpose, surely) on Saturday.  God already had the answer waiting for me. 

July 11, 2011

Know and choose the truth

Did you play those games when you were a kid?  They were sleepover standards in elementary school, from what I can remember…  I never suspected there was anything behind them! 

Although I participated in ones like Bloody Mary, and lifting a table or a person, I never thought they were much more than magic tricks of some sort.  To the best of my knowledge, I didn’t suffer consequences, although I can see how young kids can become interested in the supernatural when they’re introduced to it in this way. 

From what I can remember, my parents’ approach went like this:  That game isn’t good, but it’s no big deal – just don’t do it anymore.  Looking back, I think it was smart for them to give me the basic information I needed without conveying fear or making it a bigger issue than it should have been.  I had already received Jesus in my heart, and the focus was on growing in the Lord (and cleaning my room). 

So my approach as a parent, then needs to be the same – I don’t need to be afraid, and I don’t need to turn it into a big worry-issue.  Instead, I focus on giving my kids a good foundation in their faith. 

Neil sums it up well:  Teach yourself and your children to know and choose the truth.

July 10, 2011

Time travel

 When I was in college, the questions about my life were really big:  What career should I go into?  Whom would I marry?  Where would I end up living? 

At the time, it seemed like God was holding all the answers.  Looking back, I was asking the wrong questions. 

In time, He answered all of them, but what mattered as I pondered my life’s direction was how I was living my life.  There’s a saying that if I take care of my character, God will take care of my reputation…  The idea is that by living with integrity, I allow God to do what He wants as far as the big picture goes. 

In the years since, I’ve seen that God’s will isn’t one big event; it’s lots of small decisions that either put me on the right path, or lead me away from what He wants for me. 

I wish I could go back in time, and tell that to 19-year-old me.  It’s just as well, though – probably I wouldn’t have listened. 

There are still big questions out there for me.  They’ve just morphed into concerns about my kids, family, life goals, etc.  There are still days when I wish God would show me the end game, and I get frustrated.  I’m grateful for the reminder to focus today on the issues of integrity in my life. 

Neil writes:  …we have to resolve an issue on this side of the door first.  If He is Lord, He has the right to determine what’s on the other side of the door.  If we don’t afford Him that right, then we are not acknowledging Him as Lord.

July 9, 2011

Questions

Have you been there?  I have…  A devastating loss, a grieving heart, and more questions about God than I could answer…  I remember the overwhelming sense that God wasn’t who I thought He was. 

And in the questioning, I came to this – the hope I had was broken, not because God was unfaithful, but because my expectations were so high.  Faith pleases God, even when it’s coming from a broken heart.

In my fog, I decided to reserve judgment.  I wasn’t thinking at all about David and Psalm 43, but I was driving to work, and a song was playing on the CD in my car that reached into my brokenness.  I made a choice.  I set aside my anger and hurt, and just sang.  Well, sang and cried.  I don’t know how, but healing started in that moment. 

The end of the story is that in the eleventh hour, or maybe several hours past, God restored that hope and answered what we were asking for.  It wasn’t in the way we had wanted, but nonetheless, He came through. 

Honest questioning is part of the process – if we don’t deal honestly with our questions, we never go deeper.  But in the questioning, we have to listen to the Spirit of God.  The enemy will be there with lies; if I know God’s word and His character, the questioning will be a temporary thing.

July 8, 2011

Pushing forward

Doing what’s right – sometimes it feels so passive.  David lamented in Psalms, God, why do the bad people prosper?  Where’s the justice?  Where’s my reward for all the good I do?  (Psalm 94)

Paul felt compelled to write, Don’t give up!  Keep on doing the right thing, and don’t get tired of it!  It will pay off!  (Galatians 6:9)

Reading today’s entry from Neil was a bit of a revelation for me…  He writes:  Your best defense against the god of this world is to live a righteous life in Christ. 

All of a sudden, right living isn’t just keeping out of trouble; it’s an active strategy designed to keep the darkness out of my life; it’s shining the light and extending God’s kingdom. 

Think football:  defense isn’t a passive thing.  There’s pushing, shoving, and some hard hits.  You’re not just keeping the ball out of your own end zone, you’re pushing towards your goal. 

Like David, sometimes I get discouraged at what I see as unfairness.  People do bad stuff and see like they’re doing okay…  Not to be spiteful, but the reality is, they will reap what they sow. 

When my kids tattle on each other, I tell them this:  You worry about you.  I feel like that’s what God is saying to me today.  And I’m encouraged that doing right isn’t passive.  It’s pushing forward.

July 7, 2011

Image

I’ve been pondering the idea of what we look like vs. what we truly are.  Truth be told, it’s a topic that’s been on my mind lately…

Do we project an image of we wish we were?  Maybe it’s not because we’re trying to fool everyone else; maybe if we act as if we’re confident, secure, etc., we think we’ll eventually get there. 

And then there’s the fact that it’s not always wise to show everything to everyone, all the time…  There’s nothing false there, just holding back a little.  We’re having an awful day, but we don’t need to rain on everyone else’s parade.  Does that make us appear more together than we really are?

There’s faith, too, which says, my circumstances are really bad right now, but Christ gives me joy and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things will work out okay.  I don’t know how, but I know God will take care of it all.

I read an article about the pictures and status updates people post on Facebook, and apparently some moms’ approach is like that of the obnoxious Christmas letter:  they paint a perfect picture of life at home, when the reality is far from that.  Sometimes it’s an intentional thing. 

Where am I in all of this?  I find myself a mom who struggles, sometimes hour-by-hour, who feels grossly inadequate (but I’m who God picked for this job, remember from Sunday?), and who has faith that God will make it all work out.  If I keep in mind who I am – a child of God – the meaningless becomes meaningful; the struggle has purpose.

This was from my Bible reading this morning:

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.  James 1:2-4

July 6, 2011

Maturity

Reading today’s entry, I was pondering the idea that we are responsible for our own growth.  I was reminded of this passage in Hebrews:

You have been Christians a long time now, and you ought to be teaching others.  Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things a beginner must learn about the Scriptures. 

You are like babies who drink only milk and cannot eat solid food.  And a person who is living on milk isn’t very far along in the Christian life and doesn’t know much about doing what is right. 

Solid food is for those who are mature, who have trained themselves to recognize the difference between right and wrong and then do what is right.  Hebrews 5:12-14

The way to becoming spiritually mature is pretty simple:  I need to train myself to know right from wrong, and then do what’s right.  The ingredients that make it happen are discipline and motivation.  And thankfully, the Holy Spirit gives me an extra push once I get going in the right direction. 

Find what’s right, and then do it – that’s my focus for today.

July 5, 2011

Eternity

Mind-blowing statement from Neil today:  …how we spend eternity depends on how we respond to God in this lifetime.

I’ll admit – I get so focused on the “well done, good and faithful servant!”, that I don’t think about what else might happen on that day.  Sure, it will all get lost in the awe of being in God’s presence!  But what’s after that? 

Isn’t it enough to live my life for God today, trying to please Him here?  Must I worry about how it’s going to reflect on me in eternity? 

I suppose the answer is this:  if I’m living my life to please God now, I don’t need to worry about what happens on that day…  My job is to fully commit to whatever He’s called me to.  He will develop in me whatever He has in mind: 

And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again…  Philippians 1:6

July 4, 2011

The kitten

I love this from today’s reading:  Remember, you are not the helpless victim of a tug-of-war between two nearly equal heavenly superpowers. 

I’m picturing in my mind the way our kitten would act when he was defending himself – he would puff out his fur, stand sideways to his opponent so as to look bigger, arch his back, stick his tail straight up (it got puffy, too), and hiss for all he was worth. 

The enemy talks some pretty good smack.  He tries to appear bigger, more powerful, and generally scarier than he really is.  Sure, he’s nobody we want to tangle with, but he was defeated at the cross.

I also love Neil’s statement that we worship God to keep his attributes in our minds.  It’s not too often during my day that I think, Gee, isn’t God omnipotent!  Yet a song from Sunday morning’s worship set will stay with me all week, speaking about God’s character to me. 

I give up my freedom when I forget who God really is, and His place in my life.  Today, I’m going to be conscious about remembering…

July 3, 2011

Insignificant

Amid all the chaos of being Mommy to 3 little ones, I sometimes lose track of the fact that God chose me to be their Mommy. 

For as many days as I feel like I don’t do a very good job, God chose me – that means I’m the best person for the job. 

Instead of being intimidated by that realization, I am comforted by it, strengthened by it.  God’s word says that whatever He gives me to do, He will equip me for the task. 

Of course, there are days when I feel profoundly insignificant.  I needed to be reminded today of the eternal value in my life’s work…  Thanks, Neil.

July 2, 2011

Reason vs. emotion

I appreciate that Neil’s approach is that of balance…  So much weirdness happens in churches that veer too far one way or another.

At my high school, numbers of kids went to one or the other of two churches.  The one I didn’t attend was, from what I gathered, very legalistic.  Boy, did those kids know the Bible!  But the downside was that there were so many rules…

We were pretty sure they were afraid to come visit our church.  They didn’t know exactly what Spirit-filled meant, but it probably had something to do with rolling in the aisles and swinging from the chandeliers.  We actually joked around with them about doing those things... 

Our church was pretty balanced, but I’ve been in church meetings where the emotional hype is the point, not necessarily truth.  I wondered if, after a while, it was hard to stay motivated/involved, or what would happen if the emotional pitch didn’t live up to expectations on a certain day.

The thing that strikes me is that God created us for both reason and emotion; to deny either is to be slightly incomplete.  Sure, we may lean one way or the other – for example, I tend towards the side of the brain that doesn’t remember which is which – but there must be balance.  My focus needs to be on God, and what He wants in my life, and in my church.

July 1, 2011

Addicted to sin

Sin is so deceiving!  When we’re tempted by something, it feels like that forbidden thing will make us feel good and all will be well.  In reality, the good feeling isn’t all that good (things are never as good as we imagine, plus there’s guilt), and it disappears quickly, leaving us lower than we were before we gave in. 

And it’s like that every time.  You’d think we’d have learned by now!

I love that the more we yield to the Holy Spirit, the more we want to.  It’s like being in love – the more we try to please the object of our affections, the bigger that love grows, and we’re even more motivated to please.  There’s no regret afterwards.  Giving in to sin gets us tangled up; pleasing Christ builds us up.

The crux for me is that I need my attention focused on the right thing.  Most often, I indulge my flesh because I’m distracted, or I’m focused on myself.  When I’m thinking about God and what He wants, pleasing Him is easy.  That’s my goal for today…